I can remember taking a walk around my neighborhood with Chris when we were dating and he asked me, "What are some of your goals?" Without hesitation, I responded with, "to be a wife and mother." Pretty simple, right? Well, that's what we thought, too. But if Chris and I have learned anything, it is that each and every child is truly a miracle and a gift from God.
Most of you know that Chris and I have been struggling with infertility for over two years now. We have been desperately wanting to start a family. We have been through specialists, shots, medicine, tests, a many procedures. We did everything that Chris and I felt comfortable doing and finally we had enough. To say that these past two years have been hard would be an understatement to say the least.
While I was in Hawaii God placed two incredible women in my life. The first one is my friend, Cyndi. She had also struggled with infertility. She and her husband adopted three precious children and then she became pregnant! She would constantly call and check on me after appointments and would meet with me just to see how I was doing. Once while we were talking she started to cry, just because she remembered so vividly experiencing what I was going through and I knew she was hurting for me. And the second is my wonderful mentor, Berit. I would love that Berit would always tell me and still does, "I'm praying for your future babies." Berit once asked me what were my thoughts about adoption and I said, "I'm not ready to think about that right now, I want to have my own kids."She immediately told me she understood, but she also challenged me to start praying about adoption and that God would soften our hearts towards that option if that is something He wanted us to do. So I did. She told me that over a year ago.
About three weeks ago, I was listening to Steven Curtis Chapman and for some reason his adoption agency came into my thoughts. I came home and immediately sent off for a packet. When it came, I couldn't stop reading the couple's testimonies... they sounded just like me and Chris. Then, the next morning, I was doing my Bible Study and in it Beth Moore wrote, "Jesus died to say yes! Does this mean He doesn't say no? He certainly does, but His no is given only so that He can say yes to something better." I knew right then that God was speaking to me. So the next day in Bible study I briefly shared what Chris and I were going through and that I loved reading this part. The leader told me that I really need to watch last week's dvd (I missed it because I was in Thailand with Chris) and that I would love it. Now, I took this same study four years ago, and all the way home I kept thinking... what is so special about last week's lesson? I don't remember anything about it. Boy was I wrong! The whole lesson was about Zechariah and his wife, Elizabeth, and that they were childless. This lesson was unique in that the whole study is and has been about the tabernacle, this lesson had nothing to do with the building of the tabernacle! It was amazing. Now if you know me, I hate to miss a week of Bible Study, but I know that God planned for me to miss this study on purpose. I cried for the whole hour and I had to pause it several times and rewind it just so I didn't miss anything. Throughout the study I learned that no trial is ever wasted and that God is concerned with the details of our life. She also pointed out that God's plan is better than the short sighted one we choose for ourselves. It was an amazing lesson and she concluded it with two powerful statements. The first one was, "Everytime childlessness is brought up in the Bible, it is always because God is about to perform a miracle, " and the statement she closed with was, "Maybe you were chosen, and picked out, not picked on." Oh my goodness! I immediately knew that God was preparing my heart to being open to adoption.
I immediately emailed Chris as he is still on the ship. As I was writing him, I was crying again. I know that there is no one else in the world I would rather walk through this with. He has been so amazing through it all and being there for me despite my many emotions of sadness and anger. Chris has always been ready to adopt, he's just been waiting patiently on me. Chris loves kids! He is always asking to hold babies and he never wants to give them back to their moms! I know without a doubt Chris will love any child as our own. He is an incredible man!
All this to say, that Chris and I are now open to adopting. We are at the super beginning stages of a very long process. Right now we are researching agencies that we are able to use even though we are located in Japan and praying about the child God wants us to have. We are also starting to save our money, as it is very expensive.
Why am I telling you all this in my blog that is normally about our life in Japan? Well, because we love all of you and the whole point of this blog is to let you know what is going on in our life, and this is what is going on! Also, we would very much value your prayers throughout this long journey and if any of you have any advice we would greatly appreciate it, too!
All we know right now is that we want to be parents. We are leaving the rest of the details up to God as to when this will happen and how. We know without a doubt that God is in control of this entire process and that He has the perfect child in mind for us! We can't wait to meet him or her! We truly trust what First Corinthians 2:9 says, "What no eye has seen, nor ear has heard nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him!"
#momlife, the play
2 years ago