Prayers as We Get Ready...

I can hardly believe that in less than 48 hours we will be on a plane headed to Beijing.  I can't wrap my mind around the thought that after 2 years of preparing for this, we are less than a week away from meeting our beautiful son, Abram.

Our house looks like a tornado hit it... trying to pack everything we could possibly need into one suitcase and two carry-ons is no small feat. I have compiled all packing lists from other adoptive families and made more trips to Target than I care to admit.  Packing for Chris and I is easy, but packing as first time parents to a 21-month old is a little more complicated.

We are experiencing a range of emotions from excited to worried to anxious to just plain happy.  Of course, I have another list for you... I do love my lists.  This time it's a list of specific prayers that we would appreciate you lifting up to our Heavenly Father while we are going through this journey...

1.  Peace:  We are praying that God will fill us with His peace in this time of uncertainty.  We have no idea what to expect and really what we are doing and we just need His peace.  Also, peace for sweet Abram's heart.  That God would calm his heart during this huge transition he is about to experience.

2.  Wisdom: I know this is a prayer for all first time parents, so this request shouldn't shock you.  I was talking to a friend at church today and I told him, "I don't just want to wing this, I want my parenting to be intentional." This can only be done through God's wisdom.

3.  Health: I (Stephanie) suffer from extreme motion sickness on a daily basis.  We are having to do a ton of traveling in China once we get Abram on every form of transportation possible. I am praying for God to take the nausea away from me so I can focus on loving and caring for Abram while we are traveling.  I usually go to sleep right when I get in my seat, and that really isn't an option now.  I know Chris is there, too, but I don't want to feel sick at all. I want to enjoy every minute of this!

4.  School: We are blessed that Chris is able to go with us on our three week trip, but just because he is leaving doesn't mean his classes stop. He is missing three weeks of intensive math courses.  Pray for him as he tries to keep up with his studies and that he is able to catch back up when we return.

5.  Attachment:  This is huge! Please pray that when we return home our attachment phases go well and that Abram is able to form healthy attachments. This is vital for his development and well-being.  I know we have a "plan" but it is God who is in complete control.

Thank you for not only praying for us while we are gone, but thank you for the prayers you have already lifted up on our behalf.  We have felt them along every step of the way.  Because we can't thank each of you individually, please know how much we truly appreciate all of them!

Keep checking our blog over the next three weeks to see pictures and read updates! Oh, and Chris is busy cramming all our stuff into bags, so please excuse the typo-s.  He usually proof reads these before I post them, but I'm on my own! :)

Cocooning Letter

Dear Family & Friends,

After almost two years, our precious Abram is finally coming home!  We know that each of you receiving this letter has, in some way, supported, loved and prayed for us.  He has no idea what an incredible group of family and friends await him! We will be leaving on Tuesday, July 16 to fly to Beijing. Our "Gothca Day" is July 22... that is when we will meet Abram for the first time and he will be given to us! We are asking that you keep us in your prayers while we are gone. Our prayer requests are for God's peace for us and Abram as he goes through this huge transition, wisdom as we become parents for the first time, and one specific prayer is that Stephanie doesn't get motion sick during our many travels in China.  Thank you in advance for your prayers! 

We would like to invite you to the San Jose International Airport to meet Abram when we arrive on Saturday, August 3, 2013.  We will arrive at 11:10am on United flight 9659 from Narita (Tokyo). Remember, we have to go through customs and immigration, so we will be delayed for a little while. We would love to see you at the airport!!

As ecstatic as we are about Abram entering our lives, it is also an uncertain time as we anticipate how he will adjust to his new family and surroundings.  As many of you know, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is very real and something we have to be proactively on our guard against.  Because of this reality and because of your care for Abram and our family, we want to share with you some information that we hope will best equip you to assist us in laying the strongest and healthiest foundation - emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need, communicates that need, and the primary caretaker (usually mom) meets the need and soothes the child.  This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses & calms the baby - which teaches him that this person is safe and can be trusted.  By God's very design, an emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies which will affect their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents ultimately gives children a trust for and empathy towards others.

Obviously, children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process as the loss of a biological mother at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts.  The good news is that we can now rebuild attachment and help him heal from these emotional wounds!  As we hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed him, we can forge the missing parent/child bond.  As this process repeats between us, Abram will be able to learn that parents are safe to trust and to love deeply.  We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection and once Abram starts to establish this important bond he will then be able to branch out to other, healthy relationships.  In many ways, Abram will be like other children who enter a family through birth; we will parent like other Christian families as we bring him up in the instruction and discipline of the Lord.  But initially there will be a few, key differences.  Because you will actually play an awesome and vital role in helping our Abram settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future. There are a few areas in which you can help us:

Setting physical boundaries. It will help us immensely if you limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with Abram. This will (for a while) include things like holding, excessive hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone - which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed! Abram should know that the people with whom he interacts are our trusted family and friends.

Redirecting Abram.  Orphans often have so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults and may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are "very friendly" but this is actually quite dangerous for the child.  As a result, until he has a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct him to us if you see that he is seeking out food, affection or comfort.

Limiting New Stimuli.  Specifically we will limit visitors staying at our home to no more than 20-30 minutes for the first 6 weeks and we will limit our outings so as not to overwhelm his senses with new stimuli all at once.  Additionally, since our goal is to be the only ones to meet Abram’s needs during this initial time, this might mean that you won’t see us at normal functions for awhile... we don’t want to confuse Abram by leaving him in child care.

To be honest, the boundaries we have set will be difficult at times, it would be easier to ignore the education and research-- we want nothing more than for you to be able to hold and love on Abram, but we are absolutely convinced, however, that this is what is best for him in the long run.  As we begin this new phase of our journey, please know that we appreciate you and how much we covet your support and encouragement.  Also, please don't forget to check our website (www.candsmorris.blogspot.com) for updates and pictures!  We have attached a short video and two articles about attachment and bonding if you want to learn more about this process and why it is necessary for adoptive children.

We are incredibly blessed to have so many loved ones around us; we couldn't ask for a better extended family & circle of friends for our precious Abram.  Thank you so much for your love and support over the past several years.  If you have any questions please feel free to ask at any time!

With MUCH love and gratitude,

Chris and Stephanie

http://empoweredtoconnect.org/what-every-adoptive-parent-should-know/

Abram's Nursery

It's finally finished... we just need to bring home Abram!  We hung up his curtains last night and those were the finishing touches.  I couldn't really find any little boy sets that I liked, so I decided to center the room around a fun rug that I found.  Here's what it looks like...

I absolutely love this print... we purchased it about a year ago and I couldn't wait to hang it in the nursery!

I just love his little table and chairs... so sweet!

I think I'll always be a kindergarten teacher... This is Abe's reading corner.. We used rain gutters for the shelves (thanks, Pinterest) and I copied the covers of a few of my favorite children's books.

The closets in our house are kind of small, so Chris uses Abe's closet. We made Abram his own closet from a book shelf. His socks, shorts and pj's are in the baskets. We bought the three elephant picture in Thailand (because we were going to be a family of three) and the moon statue my Grandpa Boyd gave me when I was little.  I love that it is in Abe's room now. 

His special animals... His cousin, Ella Grace, picked out the monkey just for him, he has to have a panda :),  both Cade and Ella had a brown bunny and Abe does, too, and his cute cleft lip bear. 

We bought these in Seoul and Hong Kong... I think they look great on the blue wall.

A sweet friend from Sasebo had this made for Abram. She said that Abram needed to have some "Japanese flair" in his room. I just love it!!

That's it... we just need Abram and the room will be complete!!

We Have Our Dates!!

We got an email yesterday from our agency... it was the email we've been waiting for for months (who am I kidding... more like two years)! We have our dates!! It's so hard to believe that we will have Abram in our arms in less than a month! Our countdown has changed from years, to months, to weeks, and now DAYS! It's unbelievable! There isn't a day that doesn't go by that Chris and I don't look at each other and say, "We're about to be parents!" 

We don't have plane tickets yet so the leaving Monterey and returning home dates could change. Everything else is firm! Here's what our dates look like:

17 July: leave Monterey

18-20 July: tour Beijing with adoptive families in our travel group

21 July: travel to Zhengzhou

22 July: GOTHCA DAY!!!

31 July: consulate appointment in Guangzhou (where we take our oath)

1 August: receive Abram's visa

2-5 August: travel around Beijing or Shanghai for our first family vacaction

5 August: return to Monterey

Also, look at the most recent picture we have of our sweet Abram.  He has grown up so much since his last picture. We can't wait to meet our little boy! Please continue to keep all three of us in your prayers.  Please pray for Chris and I as we prepare not only to travel, but to bring our little boy home. And for Abram, please pray for his sweet heart and for God to prepare him as he gets ready to go through this HUGE transition. 

Waiting...

So, we have reached the point in our adoption where we are just waiting.  We have submitted all the required paperwork and everything has been approved, we are literally just waiting for our agency to tell us when we will travel to bring sweet Abram home.

Many of you who know my crazy "always organized and doesn't leave home without a planner" personality have asked how I am handling all this not knowing stuff.  My answer is always "God's Peace."

 If I have learned one single lesson throughout my life (not just this adoption journey) it is that God's timing is ALWAYS perfect. I may not understand it at the time, but He does, and that's all I need to know.  It is truly something amazing God does to my heart during these times.  He gives me an overwhelming since of peace and even though I definitely have my freak out moments, I can always ask for His peace and He gives it to me! To be honest, it's one of the parts of this particular journey I have enjoyed the most.  Throughout this whole process we have seen God's hand guiding us along the way.  Don't get me wrong... I wish Abram was home with us yesterday.  But, I also know God is preparing Abe's heart for his huge change he is about to go through and just like God gave me a season to prepare, Abram has one, too!

God just reminded me yesterday in my quiet time that He has a path uniquely designed for me.  All He asks me to do is concentrate on keeping in step with Him instead of trying to anticipate His plans for me.  What does this mean to me? God doesn't need my day planner!  Nothing happens that is surprise to God! Proverbs 16:9 says it best, "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." I just need to trust God and step out on faith, that's all He asks of me! I love that God tells us in Isaiah 55:9 that "My ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

There was a quote in my recent Bible study book that I just love, "Waiting... becomes a great opportunity to grow. It is one of God's tools to shape us into the image of Christ."  I think that is what brings me the most peace. My waiting isn't done in vain. It has a purpose!

A Season of Preparation

As many of you know, I'm not working right now.  We moved to Monterey in January and I didn't want to start teaching in the middle of the year and substitute teaching and I don't get along well (at all).  Every time we have moved I have told Chris, "I'm not going to teach here."  And inevitably I have missed it, and quickly found my way back to the classroom.  God blessed me with amazing teaching jobs both in Hawaii and Japan.  However, this move has been different.  I do love teaching and working with children, but I believe God gave me this season to get prepared for Abram.  I know many of you moms (and dads) are thinking, "you can't prepare for parenting," which is absolutely true. Each child and situation is unique.  However, God knows that I at least like to "feel" like I am prepared and I whole-heartedly believe He has blessed me with this time.  I get this question all the time, "what are you doing during your day since you aren't working." Well, here's my answer...

God has blessed me in every place we have moved with incredible women who I learn so much from.  Since they can't move with me I always asked them to share their parenting techniques/ideas with me and I have started writing them down in our "family notebook" or I have just written down things that I observe them doing with their children.  I have learned so much! They have also shared with me books that they have found useful along the way.  What better time to sit and read about parenting than now?!?! I can't put into words how much I have learned!  Each book is full of things that Chris and I want to incorporate into our parenting.  I chose to read some books specific to parenting adopted children and some books about raising children in a Christian home.

Give Them Grace: My new friend, Jenn, who I met at the adoption retreat recommended this book. She's a mom to four children.  It is amazing! Highly recommend this book to all parents!

The Blessings of a Skinned Knee: My sweet friend and amazing mom from Sasebo, Jessica, always talked about this book. I knew I had to read it and I'm so glad I did!

Shepherding a Child's Heart: When my friend, Valerie, and her family came to visit us in Sasebo,  I really enjoyed learning from how she parented her little girl.  Before she left I asked her about her strategies and she recommended this book. Loved it!! 

These next two books are specific to parenting adopted children:

The Connected Child: This book was referenced and referred to SO MANY times at the adoption retreat.  Amazing book... A must read for any adoptive family! So eye opening!

Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child: Kim (who we met in Hong Kong and referred us to our agency) recommended this.  Great reference book!

I have been a book worm lately!  My highlighters are exhausted! :)  

Besides reading, Chris and I have also been busy decorating and painting Abram's nursery (I'll post pictures when it's done).  I have waited for years to be able to decorate MY child's nursery and sometimes I just stand in Abe's room in amazement that it is actually happening!  We've also been hitting lots of garage sales looking for fun toys at bargain prices.  We have three more major things on our "to do list" we would like to finish before we travel:  

1) Finish watching the "Empowered to Connect"videos by Dr. Karyn Purvis (author of The Connected Child).  There are about 70 short videos in the collection, so we watch a few every once in a while.  We have learned so much about how to connect with Abram and what he needs in order to attach to us. 

2) Learn some basic sign language.  I have learned from several adoptive moms with kids who have cleft palates that this will be the best way to communicate with Abram before he gets his palate repaired.  

Thanks, Maud, for the book and DVD!

3) Also, learn some basic Chinese phrases so we can communicate with Abram.  We know he will learn English quick, but this book is packed full of phrases to use at the very beginning. Hopefully, they will help Abram feel more comfortable with us and know what's going on.

My friend Jessica from Sasebo taught me about the word, "season."  She taught me that God orchestrates seasons in our life for a reason. I know God gave me this season of not teaching/working to prepare for Abram.  This time has truly been a blessing! 

One Amazing Weekend

To say that my weekend at the adoption retreat was wonderful would be an understatement!  I left on Friday with such high expectations, and Sunday afternoon I was asked if the retreat was what I was expecting and my response was, "much more!"

The retreat was in Estes Park at the YMCA of the Rockies.  The majority of the 65 women who were at the retreat were from Colorado so they drove, but three of us flew into the Denver airport.  Jen, Mary Ann (who I didn't meet until we were at the airport), and I were picked up by a wonderful lady, Shelly, and we were off to the retreat. The four of us hit it off immediately and we realized like most Christians, we had so much in common!  Which was good because we ended up going to the wrong YMCA of the Rockies (yes, there are two) and the other one was 3 hours away.  We decided to stay the night  where we were and leave the next morning.  We were a little disappointed that we didn't get to the retreat on Friday night, but that just meant we got to chat longer and get to know each other even more.

Our agenda for the weekend included:
* worship lead by Megan Isaacson (she is so talented... you should find her on iTunes)
* amazing speakers (more on that later)
* breakout sessions... mine were: organizing orphan ministry at your church, caring for special needs children, and connecting with your adopted child.  I could have just gone to one session and felt like the retreat was worth my time and money, so the fact that I got to go to all three was truly amazing. The leaders let us ask as many questions as we wanted (which you know I asked a ton) and they all honestly said, "here's my email, email me if when your little one gets here you need any help/advice." I know they meant it and I will be sending many emails!
* chatting with super women... I had a great time talking to everyone I met, but my favorites were the ladies who adopted a son Abram's age, from our agency, with the same needs as Abram, and from his exact orphanage.  I was in awe and their information was priceless!!
* and, watching the movie, "Camp." If you haven't seen it, I recommend you do... and watch it with a box of tissue!

And, here is what I walked away from the retreat with:
1.  My favorite song that Megan sang was Ni Zan Je.  The lyrics are simple, but oh so important. They are: "I will go with Jesus anywhere, no matter the roughness of the road. I will go, I will go."  Love it and I want it to be the prayer for my life.

2.  The three speakers that I heard were incredible, but the theme from Jody Landers' talk was a quote from Frederick Buechner that I will remember forever.  This is the quote: "Here is the world.  Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." WOW! She said while she was preparing for her talk she initially was going to talk about the beautiful things that have happened in her life and the terrible things.  But when she stepped back to categorize everything, she couldn't because what was terrible at the time has become beautiful!  I love it!

3.  When I walked into the retreat, my concerns were finding the right cleft palate team of doctors for Abram and involving him in as many Chinese heritage groups I can find... I left knowing that none of those things matter nearly as much as forming attachments and connections with Abram.  He is going to need so much love, affection, and time when he gets home. I can leave the surgeries and therapies to the professionals and the Chinese heritage stuff will come later if he wants it, but right now I need to focus on parenting this sweet little boy that God has entrusted us with, which leads me to my next point...

4.  I realized that I want my parenting with Abram to be intentional. I want the moments I spend making connections with him to be intentional, I want my saying "yes" to be intentional... everything!

5.  I also learned the importance of a good support system... I will need to go to my friends for prayer, conversation, and help.  Chris and I can't do this alone.  We are blessed with amazing family and friends and we will need to rely on them especially right when we bring Abram home.

6.  I also learned from many of the moms (because they didn't have just one or two adopted children, they had about six or seven) how and when to start the adoption process again.  We are looking forward to bringing Abram home, but we're also looking forward to bringing home his brothers and sisters!!

7.  And finally, the hardest, but most important lesson for this control freak of a mom... adoption can and will be messy!  It will be hard and tiresome and turn our life upside down, but it will also be amazing and wonderful.  I can't wait!!!

I had such an amazing weekend and it was such a blessing from God.  If you are considering adoption or have adopted, I encourage you to think about going on this retreat next year.  I'll definitely be there... I can't wait to see these wonderful ladies again!